On September 22, 2015, the St. Petersburg Tribune on page 3 carried an Associated Press article by Julie Carr Smyth entitled “Survey: 1 in 4 college women report unwanted sexual contact”
Ms. Smyth was reporting Association of American University Campus Climate Survey. About 150000 participated in the on-line questionnaire. “Overall, 23 percent of undergraduate women at the participating universities said that they had been physically forced – or threatened with force – into non-consensual sexual contact or incapacitated when it happened. That included activities ranging from sexual touching or kissing to penetration. For undergraduate men, the percentage was 5 percent.”
These results represent staggering numbers of people. They mirror the results of other studies, some of which have been carefully designed to distinguish between inept or even inappropriate flirting behavior which may be about sexual or romantic interest and sexual assault which is about force or domination - not about sex.
Increasingly, those conducting studies are including men who may be the victims of sexual harassment or assault. Particularly here in the United States in recent years the expanded definition of who is a sexual offender has resulted in over 747,000 people on the sexual offenders register (2013 statistics – various sources varies about exact numbers).
Recently there has been more reports of the continuing practice in countries such as Afghanistan of bacha bazi (adult males taking males as young as 10 to dance and with whom to have a sexual relationship).
In Egypt, even when wearing a traditional female head covering and very traditional female garments covering the body, a male reporter was harassed and followed to the point of being frightened even though he was being followed by a camera crew (see You Tube video).
When the survey by the Association of American University Campus group mentions that some of the individuals who had non-consensual sex when incapacitated I am assuming that this meant that they willingly became impaired with alcohol or other drug use and/or unknowingly took some drug which left them incapacitated. Recently a female author in recovery has talked about the danger of being in a blackout which can result in appearing to give consent without being present enough to give consent.
None of these issues are new. For example, if one goggles men taking young male lovers one can find a list of famous men who had young male lovers for which they would today in the United States by prosecuted. This list would include:
Pindar (513-438 B.C.) – Greek Poet
Alexander the Great (356-323 B.C.) – Macedonian ruler
Catullus (85-54 B.C.) – Roman poet
Hadrian (76-138 A.D) – Roman Emperor
Strato (2nd Century) – Greek poet
Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) Italian painter, inventor, scientist
Michelangelo (1475-1564) – Italian sculptor and painter
Christopher Marlowe (1564-1539) – English dramatist
Horatio Alger (1834-1899) – U. S. novelist
John Addington Symonds (1840-1893) – English author & historian
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) – Irish dramatist and wit
Friedrich Alfred rupp (1854-1902) – German Industrialist
Constantine Cavafy (1863-1933) – Greek poet
Andre Gide (1869-1951) – French author
One can also research the subject of men who have sex with other adult men
who do not consider themselves gay or bisexual.
Even though here in the United States gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender
men and women have legal protection there is still a lot of disagreement
and moral censure by some of such activities. In many countries any homosexual
behavior is illegal and, in some countries can be punished. Punishment can
include death.
It is interesting that even in those communities and in those countries where the
dress of women is very conservative and may include the wearing of
headgear which covers most of the face as well as clothes which cover the rest of the body and
where men and women are still separated in such setting as the mosque, women (and some
men) do not always feel safe. Many women do report feeling safer inthese cultures. Others
decry the lack of freedom and resent males deciding for them what freedoms they will have.
I have yet to mention the ease with which married men and women can now
find internet sites which cater to the married person who want to hook up sexually
with someone other than their spouse. Despite the recent hacking into the
Ashleymadison.com site there are many other such hookup sites for married and
singles many of which cater to a variety of sexual appetites. Many of my
clients have previously educated me about magazines, adult book stores
and other venues for serving the needs of those married and unmarried
people who want to sexually hook up with other couples or individuals.
Again here in the United States and in many other countries it is perfectly acceptable for both men and women to dress is very provocative clothes or lack of clothes. It is also acceptable to use sexually explicit ads to sell every thing from cars to undergarments.
The other day I was sitting in a Panera and a young woman was telling another young woman about what a great time she had getting drunk at a bar with friends last evening. I could detect no sense of danger or shame being communicated. Yet, I find that behavior very worrisome both in terms of driving and the ability to give informed consent.
Some time ago the female sports reports Ashley Fox gained some notoriety because of how she was treated when, dressed in a very sexually provocative manner, she entered the locker room of a male sport team.
Often I have been in the position of going to support the dance competition of the very young daughter of a relative or friend and have been embarrassed by the fact that it seemed to me that the young girls (more so than the boys) were dressed like young streetwalkers in makeup, shoes with heels, fishnet stocking and a low cut bodice revealing, of course, nothing. Recently a friend was telling me of the difficulty of finding a one piece bathing suit for a 10 year old.
There are an increasing number of lawsuits by both males and females accusing employers and others of sexual harassment. The sexual offenders list includes true pedophiles whose, through no fault of their own, have a strong, obsessive sexual attraction to very young children as well as a host of people who have unwittingly ended up with child porn on their computer, had sex with an under age teenage prostitute who lied about their age or had sex with someone who was a year or two out of the legal age range for a particular state.
Clearly we are living in a age when we are attempting to legally protect the rights of everyone while giving every adult the freedom to make their own sexual decisions. At the same time we are determined to sexualize young children as well as teenagers while criminalizing a wider ranger of sexual behavior. At the same time we are giving our blessing to some sexual behavior which was previously considered immoral and was illegal.
We are at a crossroads where we have the luxury of more clearly and openly identifying the contradictory messages we send each other about sexual availability, desire and boundaries. As social scientists we know that we must first be as objective as possible in diagnosing the issues before we can begin to explore creative and just solutions. It seems to me that most of us know the following is not working or likely to work:
· Prosecuting and often incarcerating everyone with whom we disagree about sexual activity.
· Treating violent behavior which includes sexual contact as sex rather than control.
· Denying that children are sexual being and that we that something is happening resulting in increasing younger age of physical sexual maturity.
· Allowing, as the state of Florida is considering, concealed weapons on college campuses.
· Not addressing the issues of sexually provocative dress for young people and adults.
· Blaming the victim of violence for the violence.
· Pretending as if we can preach everyone into abstinence. Obviously this does not work for clerics or the layperson.
· Pretending as if married heterosexual people only have sex when they want to conceive or can successful use the rhythm method.
· Ignoring the relationship between poverty and such activity as Bacha Bazi
· Different social and legal rules for the haves and have nots.
· A judicial system which, at the very least, is significantly affected by how much money one has to spend on legal defense.
· Putting people in jail instead of treating for substance abuse/addiction.
· Treating the mentally ill as criminals.
· Expecting single working parents without a good support system to have the time and energy to parent. For that matter, expecting two parent families who are both working outside the home at minimum wage jobs and have a minimal support system to have the time and energy to parent.
I am sure that the above list is not exhaustive. Hopefully, many will volunteer to help refine this list.
The main point is that the issues about which we are concerned are systemic issues. As long as we continue to act as if behavior happens is a vacuum be will continue to be ineffective in creating a less violent, more just and loving community. We have to quit hurting and punishing each other and find a way to connect as a community. Our historic pride in individualism in this country may also be our undoing. How we think and behave affects not just us as individuals but everyone with whom we come into contact.
Written September 22, 2015
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